Dissecting the Dissecting

OK, my fellow bloggers are defending Huckabee on more substantive issues against attack pieces. But this one just stuck in my craw. This is an article from Newsweek regarding Mike Huckabee and his band playing at the historic Surf Ballroom. To get my inspiration for this post I am listening to my new Ritchie Valens CD.

• The Deep, Dark Secrets of Huckabee's Rock 'n' Roll Set List
• Andrew Romano

• On Friday night, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee stood on stage at the historic Surf Ballroom in Clear Lake, Iowa--a Tobias bass guitar slung over his shoulder, his Little-Rock-based covers band Capitol Offense arrayed behind him--and said to the crowd that he was there to "to show that conservatives, Republicans, Christian believers can have as much fun as anybody else in the whole world... Nothing heavy, nothing political.
• "Riiight.

That's right Mr. Romano. It was nothing more than fun.

• Sorry, Mike, but when you're campaigning for president, everything is political. For starters, Friday's show--with tickets priced at $10 per person, or $25 per family--raised thousands of dollars for the cash-strapped Huckabee campaign. I (Kathy) think that the ticket prices were more than reasonable, not just to see Mike Huckabee play guitar, but to also be at the historic place. You just mentioned that he is cash strapped. He could have taken advantage of the situation, but he didn't. That's the kind of person Mike Huckabee is. He wanted everyone to be able to attend, not just some sort of snobbery event where only people with Caddilac SUVs could attend. Secondly, the Surf (site of Buddy Holly's final gig) was swarming with reporters from NBC, the Rocky Mountain News, the Los Angeles Times, the Des Moines Register, Radio France and, um, Newsweek; do you think we would've trekked to remote Clear Lake and provided much-needed media attention if not for the novelty of a rocking 'n' rolling Republican? Subtle hint: the correct answer is no. The Surf Ballroom was swarming with reporters when Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. "Big Bopper" Richardson played there. What's your point?
• And then there's the little matter of the Capitol Offense set list. On the surface, it may read like the repertoire of a typical Baby Boomer wedding band--"Roll Over Beethoven," "Wonderful Tonight," "Brown Eyed Girl." But we political junkies know better. While well-behaved supporters danced to the simple sounds of yesteryear--or so they thought--Stumper listened closely for subliminal political messaging. Below, in a Newsweek worldwide Web exclusive, are the results of our hard-hitting, no-holds-barred investigation...
• Nice try on the innocent "nothing political" routine, Gov. Huckabee. You've just been Stump'd.

Oh no, here we go.

• Only in America: The opener, say showbiz types, is always important. But when I first heard the lyrics of this Brooks and Dunn hit -- "One kid dreams of fame and fortune / One kid helps pay the rent / One could end up going to prison / One just might be president" -- I was puzzled. Then it hit me. Mike Huckabee wants to president! (Also, the entire band pointed to him at this point in the song.) "Only in America," goes the chorus. "Dreaming in red, white and blue." NB: those are the colors of the American flag, according to documents obtained by Stumper. You sly dog, you.

This is a great song. It has a great message about the fabric of America, that we all are raised different and grow up different. This choice of song for Mike to pick just goes to show that he understands the American people. I would like to think that the American people are not just going to pick a president based on what songs he likes. Sheesh.

• R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.: Track two was also, I think, about the United States of America (a.k.a., the "U.S.A."). "With the blind faith of Jesus, you know that they just might be rockin' in the U.S.A," sings John Cougar Mellencamp on the original recording. This "Jesus," sources say, is a very popular figure in this country--especially with the heartland conservatives Huckabee is courting in Iowa. Campaign aides would not comment when asked if an endorsement was forthcoming. Calls to Jesus's press office were not immediately returned.

For real, did ya really have to bring Jesus into this?

• Taking Care of Business: Does this Bachman Turner Overdrive track have something to do with America's "business" community and how Huckabee would "take care" of it? I'll let you, dear reader, be the judge of that.
  

OK, I can't stand this song. I guess because I associate it with that dumb Office Max commercial from about ten years ago. Otherwise, there is no meaning in him picking this song.

• Sweet Home Alabama: After examining a map, I discovered that "Alabama," the subject of this Lynyrd Skynyrd song, is a place in the Deep South. While I understand the importance of establishing one's credibility with rural, red-state America, a rival campaign points out that Huckabee is misleading voters by calling Alabama his "sweet home": he is actually from "Arkansas." A fine distinction, as both states begin with the letter "A," but an important one nonetheless. We urge the governor to come clean.

OMG, Mike Huckabee never said he was from Alabama. What a dork. This is a great song. No political meaning in it.

• Money: Stumper can exclusively reveal that the lyrics to this early Motown hit--"You're lovin' gives me a thrill / But you're lovin' don't pay my bills / Now give me money / That's what I want"--mark the launch of a new effort by Huckabee to translate his growing support in Iowa polls (or "lovin'") into increased campaign contributions (or "money"). No word yet on whether this innovative "give me money" fundraising strategy is working.

Again, another great song. There was no hidden agenda in this. If there was, perhaps he was making fun of Mitt Romney.

• I Want to Hold Your Hand: An early version of the Capitol Offense set list obtained by Stumper includes another Beatles song--"Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" Apparently, campaign manager Chip Saltsman intervened at the last minute and insisted, much to Huckabee's chagrin, that the band play "I Want to Hold Your Hand" instead, claiming that the original number's impassioned support of public intercouse would offend social conservatives. Where does Huckabee stand on "doing it in the road," then? Your guess is as good as mine.[Source]

Well, Mr. Romano, I do have to agree on this. "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" would have been a terrible choice. A big huge hat tip to Mr. Saltsman for intervening on that. No offense, but eeewww gross, no band who has even one member over the age of 40 should be allowed to play that song. Hang on a while. I gotta scrub my brain with bleach. The image, oh God the image.

Well I am now awaiting a piece from Mr. Romano about the teaming up of Buddy Holly, who was married to a Hispanic woman, and Ritchie Valens , who was dating a white girl, had to do with the public awareness of interacial dating. Sure, it makes sense now. That's why Ritchie Valens played Donna, a song about the white girl, for the commercial for the "Winter Dance Party." Perhaps, it was because they were great musicians. Just like Mike Huckabee likes to play music. What's the difference if Mike Huckabee were to play a concert or Mitt Romney were to play golf at a fancy country club? Or maybe he could go out and kill rabbits and small varmint, snicker, snicker.

Onscener, Mike Huckabee